her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
