then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
