My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
