So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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