I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
