1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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