On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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