life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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