i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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