I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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