apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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