Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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