honey bunches of taint.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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