is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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