Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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