how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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