i jhust puked up my retainher.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
