you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
