Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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