I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
