mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
