I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
