We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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