Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
