im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
