Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
