i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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