i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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