i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just gift wrapped bread.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
