this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
