It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
