Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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