Are we in a gay sports bar?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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