she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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