Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Are my feet made of real feet?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
