Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
