Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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