we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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