we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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