i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
