Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
