god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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