Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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