my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
