using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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