did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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