Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
