i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
