so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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