new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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