This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
