you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
