I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
