i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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