Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
