then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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